Lillian
by NamirasRot
Summary: Lillian Kruisling, a girl lost in life. Ran away from her abusive stepdad to Britain. Where she deals with her short part of her life in the London Nighttime. One day her dad, wich she tried to contact for ages, responds to her letters and asks her to come to Baltimore, Maryland. Where a new world lies at her feet.
1. Letters for a dancer (1

" _She walks in and says come on let's have it  
_ _She brings out the worst you can be  
_ _It's a good day for a bad habit  
_ _Don't you dare to disagree"_

 _-Racoon, 'No mercy'_

Church songs were playing on the radio, women with angelic voices were hitting notes higher than a junkie had ever been. The basses were singing low like roaring engines. How she wished she could be in church like before. Memories drifted through her head, she remembered sitting next to her brother and listening to the endless choir songs. Her mother was soprano in the church choir with consisted of old ladies -including her mom-. The whole family would come every Christmas to Valendal to listen to the choir.  
Lillian did the dishes. She scrubbed the brown-spotted dining plates. An old grey radio was standing on a barstool that looked like it could break down if someone blew at it. The house was furnitured with ugly 50's couches and the kitchen looked like a 30's nightmare. The building was old and made to hold ten people, only seven made use of it, the other three bedrooms were filled with garbage and one was a computer and sewing room, 'owned' by Charlot and Jiu.  
Jiu claimed that her stage-name meant wine in Chinese, she wouldn't tell her real name and wanted to be called; "just Jiu". She also claimed to come from China and was smuggled here in London via the Chinese mafia, Lillian proclaimed her stories bullshit. Jiu looked nowhere near Chinese and spoke English with an posh accent. Probably a british daddies-girl who wanted to experience the party lifestyle without being caught.  
The party lifestyle was for most of the inhabitants of house Flowerdale more a burden than a party. It was their way of life and there was nowhere out, it wasn't fun anymore, and for Lillian it never had been. She never got why all the rich girls called it a 'glamorous living', 'Living like a diva', 'doing what you love for money'.  
She didn't do what she loved, most girls in this house didn't. Only the newlings liked the attention of the gross men.  
All of the girls were owned by Kast, who provided them a home, food, electricity and safety, sometimes even drugs. He did this in exchange for eighty percent of the money they girls made. Lillian didn't care, even if he asked her hundred percent, she just wanted to live remotely stable.  
She remembered her former home, being an middle-upper class white girl, with no troubles a person who wasn't close to her could see, or hear about. Many called her lucky to have a home like that. Lucky to be her, others just didn't care about her. Lillian had average friends, lived a seemingly average life and had average aspirations. Her looks were dodgy though, a broken nose from a 'fight with her neighbor dog', throw away the neighbor and dog and replace it with stepdad, and a few small scars on her rib cage from 'falling on badly placed nails' which also could be replaced with violence and her stepdad. She had her nose fixed as soon as she was in Britain by an almost-graduated plastic surgeon with the money she had saved up when she still lived in the Netherlands.  
She had a long road behind her, and had a long road to go.  
Lillian ran away. A runaway girl with no future, she had no identity, her name was untraceable in Britain, she basically did not exist here.  
She used to search up the Dutch news about the disappearance of Lillian Kruisling, her heart always skipped a beat when she heard a Dutch accent say her name on the BNR* channel se often watched in her bed. The news about her calmed down after two months of intensive police reports, every trace of her led to an dead end.  
She didn't plan her disappearance very well but it worked. She applied to summer school 'humanities and resources' in Britain, and threw away her passport in the trash cans of Heathrow, then she ran away with Kast, the guy she met online and talked about how they could help each other.  
Kast was a very honest man, he was in his mid thirties and looked nowhere near a pimp, more like a hardworking father. Kast told her from the beginning what was waiting for her here in London. A life as a 'go-go dancer' and a 'sugar-girl'.  
Lillian prefered the sugar girl terrain instead of the gogo dancers. It just felt more right to spend time with a dude without doing something remotely weird than dancing in front of thirsty guys.  
Kast was okay with it and tried to pass on as much jobs as possible on her. Lonely guys in their fifties who wanted some company of a young woman, she had very vanilla customers. They mostly only wanted to talk with her, or watch movies together. One even wanted her to cook, which was no biggie for Lillian, she did whatever they wanted to at first, but now she had set her own rules.  
Jiu picked up some clean dishes that Lillian had put on the countertop.  
"Having a free night aren't you?" she said.  
"Yes, its sunday so its not like I would have much customers anyway." Lillian dried the last cup.  
"Nice, it's my day off today too." Jiu reached out for the cupboard.  
Lillian was silent. Jiu awkwardly drummed on the countertop with her fingers and fled away to her sewing room.  
Lillian took a seat at the long table, she looked through the mail. Most mail were bills, electricity, mortgage, a plumber. Her eye bat at a fancy letter. The envelope had a classy sign on it, curly letters wrote her name. "Lillian Kruisling." She felt her heart stop and her breath fail. Did they found her? The sign was nowhere near familiar to Lillian. Her hands were shaking, her mouth opened but no sound came. She looked at the letter with big eyes and pulled the letter out of there, in one pull. Letters were strangely drifting through her vision. She read every letter but couldn't put it together. Her eyes just dazed over the text. No.  
"Dear Lillian," she said, in awe. How could someone have found her.  
He did. He did find her and nobody else did, and she had no idea how. She was nothing here, she even had a different name, only her roommates knew her real name. "Or should I call you Dibella?". Fuck. How did he know? How?  
He asked her to come to America, Baltimore, Maryland. Lillian didn't even know Maryland existed until now. The letter contained a fake passport and a ticket for the plane tomorrow, six in the morning. Her dad finally wanted to meet her. She found relief and comfort in it. There was someone who cared about her. He wanted to see her, hopefully save her from here. A smile flared up, she jumped around with the letter in her hand. Her life was about to change, for the good.  
Lillian had tried to contact her mysterious dad many times before, she never got a letter back. Her mom told her his address and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. She never told Lillian how they met, why she was born. Maybe she could finally get some answers.  
She might have considered not going if she still lived in the Netherlands.  
But now she was a dirty dancer and there weren't any worse places she could be in her life, it only could go uphill from here.  
Lillian decided to go, to her dad, someone with the name H. Lecter.


	2. Silent paradise

[ I would love to have some constructive criticism on this. I try to use Fanfics as practise and would love some reviews to help me.]

The signs showed names of people she didn't know. Lillian didn't want to see hers, she just wanted this to be a trap and go home in Britain. This thing was a huge risk, maybe her dad was just a murderer who wanted to lure her, or someone who played a joke on her, maybe he told the police she would arrive here and they would bring her back to the Netherlands. Between the yelling people stood a man, straight like a statue, wearing a red sweater and khaki pants, like a rich suburban dad. His sign said her stage name. 'Dibella' in the same font the letter was written in.  
It felt like her neck was being strangled. This was it. Lillian told her so many times to act cool when they met, not to cry. They walked towards each other and Lillian fell in his arms. He let the sign fall on the floor and hugged her back. Tears were rolling off her cheek. Lillian couldn't say anything, she was taken away.  
"It's been so long" he said.  
So long, he said. They had never met.

The car ride was a silent one, not necessarily awkward but just really silent. Lillian watched the landscapes of Maryland fly by. She never was the type to talk while in a car, she preferred listening to music. Hannibal was turning classical music CD's blue and she was fine with it. The songs were a huge contrast of what she listened in London.  
They arrived in Baltimore, the biggest city she had ever seen. She was in constant awe of the buildings, she had only seen Dartford in all its glory and never actually went to the inner city of London. Baltimore felt so different, like it was a real living city instead of a village in a city.  
The car stopped in front of a an old looking house with big yellowish-white pillars and huge windows. It looked like the house of an old customer of hers. Big, four floors and with a garden that only contained grass. Lillian felt relief, she wanted to push the car door open and discover every room in this house.  
Hannibal stepped out, Lillian didn't know what to think about him, he was silent and nice, but nothing more. She pushed open the car door and walked with him over the gravel path. It was the end of the summer but the sun made her skin feel like it was burning. Hannibal and lillian took a professional distance from each other, like they weren't family, just an acquaintance for dinner. Hannibal commented that he had made pot roast for dinner.

"So tell me something about yourself, what have you done in London?" he poured some sweet smelling wine into Lillian's glass. Apparently she was allowed to drink before the age of 21.  
"I'd rather not discuss that." she was ashamed, her head felt like it was on fire and her stomach ached. "What do you do here, as a job?" Lillian added hastily.  
"I'm a psychologist, used to be a doctor but I quit."  
"Why?"  
"Circumstances, sometimes jobs like that just get under your skin."  
She got why, being a doctor wasn't an easy job to do until you were old enough to quit.  
"Isn't being a psychologist really demanding too?"  
"It's less, and I just like this job more. I am more a people person." Hannibal sat down. "I hope the meal fills your appetite."  
"Thank you."  
After a while Hannibal broke the silence "How should I call you? Lillian or Dibella?"  
"Lillian please, I only used Dibella as an cover-up."  
He nodded. Everything felt so unpleasantly professional, no intimacy or anything just 'what do you do for work'. She expected her first day with her real dad to be an emotional rollercoaster, not this. She drank her wine glass empty with one chug. Lillian felt so tired, all she wanted was to close her eyes and drift away.  
"Are you tired?" he asked, already knowing the answer.  
"Yes," she nodded and ate the last piece of pot roast on her plate. The food was something way different than the daily Subway she used to eat.  
"I will show you to your room then."  
He got her bags and led her to her room.

The night had been long and weary, Lillian didn't feel rested. She washed her face in the bathroom that was connected to her own bedroom. She was still surprised by how big the house was, and how many rooms it contained.  
The smell of breakfast entered her room, it smelled exactly like the bakery next to Flowerdale. Lillian didn't know if she missed the Flowerdale girls, and Kast. She didn't tell anyone about her dad, didn't tell anyone she would go away. She just packed her bags and left in the early morning. She hoped they weren't worried, so much girls got missing over the past years in that house, it would be not surprise if she did too. Lillian put on a sweater and some pants and walked to the dining room. There were two cups of Créme Brulee on the table. She found Créme Brulee absolutely disgusting but did not want to be rude.  
Hannibal bent over some letters. "Good morning, take a seat."  
"Good morning." she took her seat, he was sitting on the head of the table and she sat on the corner next to him.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Filling in letters for your high school" He said it like it was the most normal thing ever, like they had lived together forever. "I am getting you into Gestrell Academy."  
Lillian took a bite out of the brownish pudding. She had not attended school for over a year, she got straight out of the Dutch high school at sixteen and flew away. She didn't want to do all of that over, but she knew she had no choice, it was a reasonable thing to do.  
"It's a private school and you can start there in one week," signed the paper and put it away. "I am trying to get your life back to normal as soon as possible."  
Lillian did not really know what to say, it was nice but everything seemed to go so fast. She could enroll in school in a week, a new class, a new house, she should get used to everything so fast.  
"I know all of this is going very fast, I don't know what you did in London but it shouldn't be all a big change," he sat down spooning Créme Brulee out of the cup "should it?"  
"I haven't been to school in a year." Lillian frowned, he knew her stage name, how could he not know what she did. Her spoon clattered on the ledge of her cup.  
Hannibal looked at her, she couldn't figure out what his emotions where. Something between surprise and knowing. She was tired of this mysteriousness. Lilian knew this was only the second day they knew each other and she didn't find the dad she wanted. He was a nice man, that for sure, but cold in some way. She hoped he was just confused that he suddenly had a daughter, which was probably the deal.  
"Oh, I didn't know that, I thought you were going to school in England and then disappeared."  
"Summer school, yeah, but nothing more. I'm not really the perfect daughter who does everything what's ordered her to do." It came out too harshly. She didn't mean to sound like a huge ungrateful bitch.  
"Dont worry, you'll fit in right, and I dont need a perfect daughter, the only one who is perfect is God." He looked up to her and nodded.  
"Are you Christian?"  
"Not really no."  
"Okay, I'm happy to hear that." She ate the last bit of the Créme Brulee, she still hadn't changed her mind that it was disgusting. He smiled and sat back.  
"I put the laptop on my desk in the living room, you should get your school uniform." Hannibal looked on his watch. "I have a client in an hour, I always have my sessions in the livingroom. So please make a hurry."  
Lillian put her dishes in the dishwasher and left to the living room. The room had big windows and two chairs in the middle of it. Deep into the room stood a bureau with a laptop in it. The bureau was underneath a balcony that held a loads of bookcases and even more books. She sat on the big office chair and browsed catalogues of Gestrell approved clothing, which was hundreds of brown skirts and milk white blouses. Hannibal took a seat at the chair in the middle of the room.  
"Who's the client that's going to come?"  
"Franklin Froideveaux, annoying little man"  
Lillian smiled, "well, money is money, isn't it?"  
"I'm not exactly doing this for the money, but yes, he has enough money."  
"Do you ever have clients that you really hate?"  
"Oh yes, well mr Froideveaux is very clingy, I don't like to talk about my clients this way, but he's here for his third session and I really hope he comes to realize he's annoying."  
"Can't you pass him on to someone else?" she asked.  
"No i got him passed on me, unfortunately." He sighed.  
They had a pleasant talk while Lillian ordered clothes. She got a feeling of trust with him. It came around after all.


	3. Garden party

First day at Gestrell, a friday so she wouldn't 'interrupt important lessons'. Headmaster L. Jameson expected her at his office for a tour through the school. She came to his room, nicely dressed in a sand brown skirt and the white blouse as the rules told her.  
"Welcome miss Lecter, take a seat." he pointed at the chair in front of his desk.  
Lillian sat down and placed her bag on her lap.  
"I will lead you to your class, Jenna Oliviers will help you with finding your classes an will show you around in lunch."  
"Thank you."  
"First of all, have you read the school rules?"  
"Yes. I have." The rules at this school were a way stricter than expected, no shortening your skirts, no makeup, always wear white socks, no bra straps allowed to be seen. She never thought she would ever dress so modest.  
"Great." Jameson said. "Are you wearing makeup right now?"  
"No, if nailpolish doesn't count as makeup." Lillian lied, she wouldn't go outside with at least some foundation on and some natural false lashes, this guy probably didn't know much about makeup anyway.  
"Nailpolish and fake nails are not allowed."  
"Oh, I'm wearing both." she said.  
"Its allowed for today, but it won't be allowed Monday." he nodded, "I will escort you to your class then." Jameson stood up and guided her through the school. Gestrell wasn't as big as she thought at first, it was brownish and the halls were filled with trophies. Jameson opened the history local. 45b.  
"Hello mr. Brown, there's a new student in class."  
"Ah, Jameson, thank you."  
Lillian just smiled and nodded at mr. Brown hoping he would assign a seat to her. Jameson left the room without saying bye or anything like that.  
"So, mrs," Brown looked at the paper at his desk, "Mrs, Lecter, a honor to have you in my class, your dad helped my mom once!"  
"That's good to hear." Lillian felt all the eyes staring at her. The majority of the class were girls, there were eight boys to be exact and sixteen girls.  
"Do you mind to introduce yourself to the class?"  
She shuffled a bit away from the door and held her bag on her shoulder.  
"Come in front of the class Lecter"  
She tapped her feel on the floor and played with her fingers in front of the class.  
"I am Lillian, I am from Europe and now I live here in Baltimore with my father."  
"Thank you, take a seat next to Jenna," he pointed at the seat right in front of his desk, didn't seem to be interested in the newling. She sat down next to an average girl with blonde hair, Jenna Oliviers. The girl nodded hi and Brown told he wanted to continue class about Lincoln.

She got home in a rush, Jenna's friend Krystal brought her home because music class we canceled. Jenna and her friends were nice, just normal girls. Not like Jiu or Charlot, with big makeup and small clothes. When Lillian was in britain she thought Jiu en Charlot weren't really extravagant people, a bit out of the ordinary but not too much. Now all the people she met felt so plain.  
Lillian opened the big front door with her own keys. She had texted her dad she would come home early.  
"Hello?" Lillian walked through the entrance hall and opened the door to the living room. Hannibal sat there with a blonde woman around his age, dressed in expensive clothing. They were talking about psychology, Lillian didn't know she was heard.  
"Hello Lillian." Hannibal said.  
"Hi"  
The woman in the green dress raised her eyebrows and looked at her. Lillian smiled at her. Hannibal and the woman both stood up.  
"Lillian, this is Bedelia, a colleague of mine."  
"Hello," Bedelia and her shaked hands, "Lillian, I haven't heard of a name like that before."  
"She's my daughter, I did not know that for long."  
He did and Lillian knew, she wrote so much letters since the age of thirteen. She didn't feel like he lied, but felt a betrayed somehow.  
"Oh really?" the woman added "She looks a bit like you." Lillian felt so small in front of this woman, she gave a vibe off that she was smart and pretty too. Then there was her, a girl in school uniform who was just dropped off a moped.  
" I have to go,"said the woman, "I have an appointment in a half hour, it was nice seeing you Hannibal, and Lillian too."  
"Good to see you again," Hannibal said.  
Bedelia left and Hannibal sat down, Lillian took Bedelia's seat.  
"How you first day at school?" he said, like nothing happened.  
"A bore, music lesson cancelled so we only had two hours of history and two of math."  
"I see,"  
"And the Headmaster wasn't happy with my nails so I have to throw them away today." she played a bit with her nails, "Those things were expensive."  
Hannibal smiled, "Did you make any new friends?"  
"Kind of, Krystal brought me home, she's a friend of Jenna who had to show me around the school, they're both really nice girls."  
"That's great to hear, did everything live up to your expectations at a private school?"  
Lillian looked up from her nails, "It's pretty much like a normal high school I think, only everyone is a bit richer I guess."  
Her phone rang and she half jumped out of her chair. Lillian shaked and hastily grabbed her phone out of her skirt. Phone calls ment she did something wrong, Kast would speak to her then. But Kast was not here and she had a new phone.  
"Hello?" Lillian sat down again while Hannibal cleaned up the wine glasses that were on the coffee table.  
"Hi!" She was confused, Lillian barely recognized this voice. "It's Jenna here!"  
"Oh, Hi, Lillian speaking." she said, still a bit puzzled.  
"So Krystal is giving a party this evening, and we want you to come."  
"I'll have to ask my dad first"  
"Fine, but we expect you to come," Jenna seemed a way too hyped for a boring school girl, "There's booze, and boys from other classes." she whispered through the phone.  
"Sure, I'll try my best to come." Lillian didn't know how to feel about parties, she didn't want to drink too much and do stupid things.  
"Bye, text me,"  
"Bye," Lillian hardly remembered exchanging numbers.  
She walked to the kitchen,  
"Hannibal?"  
"Yes, what's wrong."  
"Nothing, is it ok if I go to Jenna this evening?"  
He put the wine glasses in the dishwasher and looked at her, "Rather not, you only know them for a day."

Lillian had put on a short black dress and did her hair with pin curls. She kept her nails and held a glass of a nameless mix of booze. Jenna danced around her in the garden decorated with lights and tables full of free drinks.  
"C'mon Lillian, I know you can dance!" Krystal grabbed her arm and started spinning her around.  
"Stop!" Lillian already slurred a bit after her fourth drink, she knew she shouldn't have took so much drinks. She knew she couldn't stop after one drink. She didn't know why she sneaked out of the house so late, she should have stayed. "I have a drink in my hand!"  
Krystal laughed and waved it away, "Drink it up then!"  
She did what she was said and drank the whole cup.  
"Wooh!" Krystal started spinning again and pulled Lillian to the crowd while bumping into everyone. Lillian's hearing became dull and her sight was slightly off. She didn't like being in crowds this way. She knew she could bump into everyone, maybe fall or pass out. Jenna runned towards Krystal and her with another drink screaming something about free booze. Lillian declined and Krystal and Jenna drank.  
A guy came up to Lillian and Krystal, he put his arms around Krystal and pointed at Lillian.  
"Who's that pretty lady." His voice was sober, and his cup was filled with cola.  
"Lillian!" Krystal screeched like a drunk seagull, "New girl."  
"Hi Lillian," the guy said and he wrapped his arms around her shoulder. "I am Eugene."  
She felt even more uncomfortable with him close by.  
"Ok." she said staring at Krystal who left with Jenna, "Fuck off Eugene."  
"Got a mouth on ya, don't you?" he said and tried to grab her legs. Lillian kicked his arms but he managed to lift her up.  
"Fuck everyone has a mouth, cunt." she tried to scream but it was more like slissing words "Put me down."  
"I don't put pretty girls down." he dragged her out of the crowd. Lillians heart was pounding fast, she tried to hit him but he had her in a headlock. He felt him walk but she couldn't do a thing, only hoping he would put her down.  
"Let me just chill with you for a bit honey." he put her on a garden chair and sat next to her, with his arm around her shoulders.  
"piss off." She hit him straight across the face, her rings pulled open a bit of skin. She might be drunk but that didn't mean she couldn't get angry, or fight.  
The guy Eugene stood up and shouted "You fucking bitch."

A group of kids gathered around them, Lillian still sitting on the chair. He hit her across the face but she barely felt it. Where was Kast, Jiu, or was it Jenna? She stood up, straightened her back and walked towards Eugene.  
"I can fight a girl." he said. She knew he couldn't, self defence was her number one saviour in the 'dance rooms' of dartford. He hit him hard on his temple and pinned him to the ground.  
"I'm putting my money on Eugene!" "No the new girl is gonna win!" everything felt so dull around her. She knew people screamed and shouted but she didn't hear it. She hit him again in the face, his nose was bleeding and he tried to say something. Lillian pinned her knees on his ribcage and wrapped her hands around his neck and let the air out of his lungs. Then she strangled him with her hands, enough to make him fall unconscious.  
"Is he dead?" someone shouted.  
Lillian felt someone pulling her arms.  
"I'm bringin you home Lillian!" screamed Krystal and she pulled her up.  
Lillian felt her face hurt and followed Krystal to her pink moped. Krystal strapped a helmet to Lillian's head and told her to hold on while cursing something about Eugene. She felt so light in her head and tried to hold on to Krystal till home.  
They stopped in front of Lillian's house and Krystal helped her step of the moped.  
"Thank you for bringing me." she said.  
Krystal nodded and told her to be silent. Then she drove away. Lillian hobbled to the front door and poked the key around in the lock, she finally opened the door after five minutes. She threw out her heels and locked the door from the inside and swerved through the hall holding on to the walls. She wanted to find her bed as soon as possible and she opened the door of the living room.  
"Hello Lillian."  
She gave out a scream and grabbed the doorpost tight.  
"Can't you find your way to your room?" Someone grabbed her arm and tried to pull her to her room. She held back.  
"Fuck." she said, she was caught. "I shouldn't have gone sorry" She tried to make it ok but barely could find the right words.  
"We'll talk about this tomorrow Lillian." he said when he walked away and left Lillian alone in her bathroom. "I am going to sleep." she heard him say in the hall. She opened the door that lead her to her room, and passed out on her bed.


	4. Paté

Scrambled eggs and bacon didn't please her appetite. She just threw up in the toilet and tried to keep herself together. She didn't want to come out of her room.  
Lillian just had showered and put on a neat dress. Eugene's parents were coming in an hour and Lillian wasn't planning on putting on any makeup. The left side of her face turned blue overnight and Hannibal had to put her nose back in it's place at breakfast. Now she wore a silly bandage and 'squeezers' to keep her nose together until she could go to a doctor with required tools. Lillian put on perfume to hide the smell of vomit. She left her room and walked to the living room, sat down at her dad's desk and drank the cup of tea he got her. She prepared herself for the stream of disgust that was probably coming, about how she was a rancid whore who shouldn't walk away at night. Like her step dad alway told her when she went away to see her friends. Always when Lillian came home he told her what a bitch she was, and how she dressed the wrong way, and acted the wrong way. Her mom was almost never home, she's got 'work' or 'friends' she had to meet or do.  
Hannibal sat down in the chair in the middle of his room where he had his sessions. Lillian played with a pen out of the little basket next to the laptop on the desk. She removed her fake nails had painted her nails over with a nail hardener and nothing more.  
"Lillian," He sighed, "I know it is hard adapting your new life here, but this is not the way you handle things here."  
Lillian stared at the pen spinning between her fingers.  
"I know."  
"You don't sneak out at night to have a party with people who you barely know."  
"I'm sorry."  
"You don't like speaking to people when you know they are angry, do you?"  
"No, but who would."  
"I am happy you stood up for yourself."  
Rain clattered on the big windows, a rainy autumn gave this room character, for Lillian it had been a feel of coziness. She let out a breath, no one would hit her now, no one would shout at her, they were both adults.  
"Eugene is in coma now." he told her,"Don't feel bad about it."  
"I don't." she put the pencil back in the basket. "He was…"  
"A bad person." finished Hannibal. " you're grounded for a month, but not because you strangled him."  
It was not like Lillian was planning to go out of the house this month. She nodded softly.  
"What exactly happened at the party?"  
A sigh escaped her breath,  
"He tried to assault me, so I assaulted him."  
"I can see, how do you feel about it?"  
"I feel like he's the problem, he thought he could do everything with a drunk girl." she looked up from her hands, "He has to be grateful I didn't push through."  
"Were you scared of him?"  
"Yes I was." she looked down again, it didn't feel good talking about it. She didn't want to. Lillian had always been this way, trying to ignore her problems, pretending nothing happened.  
"I get why,"  
The doorbell rang, Eugene's parents.  
Lillian still felt dizzy in her head. Hannibal helped her out of her chair and they walked to the front door. Lillian mentioned the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen.  
"Welcome," Hannibal said and shook the hands mister and miss Argall. Lillian did the same, a smile, a hand and a nod. Ms. Argall couldn't keep her eyes of Lillian's face, she tried to ignore it.  
"Thank you, mister Lecter." said sir Argall. Hannibal closed the door and took their coats. Lillian was significantly taller than Eugene's parents. It made her feel more adult.  
"I have already made lunch," he lead the parents to the kitchen, "Take a seat."  
"Very generous of you, Lecter." said miss with a posh accent and took the seat next to her husband. Lillian sat in front of miss Argall, she tried not to make eye contact but Argall stared constantly. Hannibal served lunch, french bread with homemade Paté, duck liver. Surprisingly, he took the place next to Lillian, instead of at the head of the table.  
"We have come here to apologise for Eugene's acts," said mister Argall. "He can't apologise himself for a while, and I feel like your act was a bit too harsh, miss Lecter."  
Lillian took a bite of her bread, her acting was right, she wouldn't let someone tell her otherwise. God knows what Eugene could have done more.  
"I don't." she said.  
Mr. Argell gave her a death stare. "Why not. Lecter."  
Ms. Argell glanced at her husband to make him stop, but he only seemed to get upset.  
"Can't you see her face dear." Ms, said.  
"I can, but can't you see our son?" he said stern, "Lying in the hospital, he's in a goddamn coma."  
"For a reason, you don't take advantage of drunk girls." said Hannibal calmly.  
Mr Argall had a face of disgust, of course his son was sain Jesus himself and could -of course not- do anything wrong, only because he came from a rich family. Lillian could see it in his face, too much pride for the work he had never done. Too much pride for his inheritance and his big house.  
"You don't strangle boys into coma's" he stared at her. She felt anger, like she switched in a completely different mood. Her hands were shaking and she put her fork down.  
"Not for no reason, no, but would you rather see your son in a hospital than in a prison?" Lillian stated, "Only the lord knows what he could have done, and i'd rather not know."  
"You wouldn't sue him would you?" Ms. said shocked.  
"I wouldn't call it sueing," Lillian said, "But I think he learned his lesson. If you go to court with this I'll make sure I win it."  
Ms nodded and ate the last piece of bread. Mr Argell stared empty at his plate.  
"I am sorry, it's hard for both of us, for you Lillian, but for us as Eugene's parents too." he sat with his hands in his hair, Hannibal watched slightly amused, "We won't go to court, just had surgery, a risky one, something happened to his lungs, it's not entirely related to the fight."  
"I am sorry to hear." Lillian said, stone cold.  
"He's alive now, but dangling at the edge of being alive." ms Argall bit her lip when her husband spoke. "We wanted to apologise for him before he dies, if he does, probably not."  
Mister Ardall didn't seem sure of his words. "Don't worry he added."  
Lillian was on the edge of saying "we won't." But kept her mouth shut and let Hannibal do the word. She felt remorse for his parents, not for him.  
"We are extremely sorry to hear." Hannibal spoke, it didn't feel genuine in Lillian's ears.  
A loud bip came from Mr. Argalls pocket.  
"If you would like to excuse us." he said while reading the text he got. He signed his wife to come with him. Hannibal stood up to lead them to the hall but they were gone already. He sat down again and they heard the closing of the door and the clicking of Ms. Argall running with heels.  
"Is there any more of this Paté?" Lillian asked.

She didn't feel responsible for his death. It was a mistake made by the doctors, not her. Lillian tried to play piano, Kast learned her to play accordion and the instruments felt similar. Hannibal, however, could not listen without physically cringing and fastly left the room once she started playing. She found it quite funny, he was always well behaved around other people, but didn't have the manners to hear his daughter play piano. Lillian thought about London while carelessly playing chords. She probably wouldn't have reacted that way there, but that was because she barely got drunk in public. Only at home in the weary evenings. She hated it when people blamed stuff like this on being drunk, guys could get drunk and have fun and everything was ok, girl who got drunk were suddenly responsible for everything someone else did to them. She just didn't get it.  
Lillian played the first chords of 'Maybe', she always liked the song, Julia Stone had a very different voice than other artists.  
"She's got this kind of hope," Lillian sang "Maybe she got it where she came from."  
She didn't remember the rest of the lyrics and put the cover back on the piano keys. It was already twelve at night, the pain in her nose and the dizziness were cleared up for a bit after the doctor's visit. He gave her some strong medicine and told her to sleep well, the doctor also put her nose back in its normal place.  
Lillian's feet sounded dull on the hardwood in the halls. She walked to her bedroom, changed into her pyjamas and jumped into bed. Lillian fished her teddy dog 'Summer' from under her pillows. She found it to be embarrassing to still sleep with one. She thought about her mom back in the Netherlands. Would she be worried about her? Probably. Lillian just couldn't imagine how her mom would feel and she hoped that she knew her daughter was safe. How would her mom have responded to this? Really outraged, she thought. At Eugene at least.  
Hannibal seemed to have a different kind of rage, a calm one that would sneak up to you without knowing. Would he ever snap when angry like she did? Lillian hoped he never did. She wrapped her blankets around her and held Summer tightly. She felt sorry for Eugene's parents, he was their only child and they were devastated to hear he had passed. Lillian just didn't know how to feel about him, she didn't feel fully responsible, maybe that would come when she grew up. They say a teenagers brain feels less, so maybe that was her problem. She just didn't took Ibuprofen and fell asleep at three.


	5. Fall

It was the end of noon, brown and leaves were falling like feathers. Summer was ending faster than expected. The trees turned from bright green to brown and bald in two weeks. Satié was playing on the turntable and Lillian sat in the chair staring at the big window. The resting period for her concussion was almost over. She still had big headaches at random times in the day and Hannibal had to tell her for the second time that Eugene had died and his parents apologized. She still felt sorry for his parents, but nothing more. Her head felt empty and light, like a fresh beginning. Like she turned into a different person, a more calm one. Hannibal gave her another cup of tea, she sat here since morning enjoying her view and reading books. It felt so quiet and cosy like she never was anywhere but here, in this chair, reading old books about psychology. Hannibal took the chair next to her, he moved both of them towards the window.  
A bird sat on an empty branch in a tree, the bird was black with white spots and lines. Lillian grabbed her bird-spotting book Hannibal bought for her. The book was written in Dutch. She didn't know how he found it.  
"What kind of bird is it?" he asked.  
Lillian leafed through the book.  
"A Starling, a girl I think,"  
He stared out of the window, Lillian followed the bird with her eyes. It hopped from branch to branch curiously watching the people behind the glass.  
"What really happened in London?" Hannibal turned his head to her, his expression was genuine. It made him look older than he was.  
Lillian stared at the bird. She didn't want to tell, she finally felt brand new. She didn't want to think of her past. Her mouth quivered a bit, she wanted to open up. Open her stupid mouth and tell.  
She opened her mouth and sighed,keeping her from talking. Hannibal slightly raised his eyebrows, eager to hear from her.  
"I applied to a summer school in London," she looked at the brown dots in drifting in her tea, "Humanities and resources."  
"My passport is somewhere in the garbage cans of Heathrow, I ran away with a guy I met online."  
Hannibal sighed, only softly.  
"We discussed our plans, I know what I was up to." she took a sip, she felt her airway being closed.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine." she said. "It was just harder than I thought it to be."  
He nodded like he understood her.  
"He was nice to me, don't worry, but I was an escort." Lillian tried to not flat out call herself a hooker, a tear fell of her cheek. She didn't want to show weakness and rubbed it away. A strong hand touched her shoulder.  
"It's fine, I won't judge you for the choices you have made."  
"I don't know," she continued, "I just wanted to get away from my stepdad as soon as possible." another tear fell down, she couldn't keep them in anymore.  
It felt good to tell it, like the weight on her chest became lighter.  
"I danced at bars and did escorting jobs, I didn't like it but else I couldn't stay in the house." She grabbed a piece of fabric from her tunic and plucked it, "After two months alcohol was my only solution, I was drunk every waking hour and Kast, the guy who helped me almost threw me out of the house."  
Lillian tried to swallow away her tears but it just didn't help.  
"He helped me get off my addiction and got me into Sugar-girling, walking barely clothed in men's houses, trailers, mostly."  
Hannibal didn't yell or walk away. He understood her and didn't judge her.  
"It was better than the prostitution and dancing, but still not something I'd do again."  
He comforted her and talked with her about it, like it was normal. His words flew by for Lillian, she barely remembered his talks. Only that it felt good to have someone understand you. At the end they just chatted about weather and the books she had read. Like nothing happened and everything was safe.  
Hannibal bought her dinner, some kind of sausage and somehow-fancy mashed potatoes. They watched the birds together. Talking about Lillian's stepdad. How angry she felt about him, she told Hannibal, full of honesty that she wouldn't regret killing him. A fact she never dared to even get out of her mind. But he understood and told her everyone felt that way at some point at their life. He said he felt like that a lot. They stopped talking at eleven in the evening and Lillian carried herself to bed. Her second day of school was tomorrow. She brushed her teeth. Her appearance changed, she looked more adult, her acne scars from when she was thirteen were barely visible anymore and there weren't any bags under her eyes. She felt like glowing, a real adult that mattered and had someone to listen to her. Lillian crawled under her blankets and fell asleep.

Jameson was a dick, a real dick. He called her to his office only to scold her. Like the rest of her class didn't do that already. Jenna and Krystal even refused to speak to her. The teachers just turned their heads when she held her hand up high. The girls walked away when she asked where the fries had gone at the cafeteria. She ended up sitting next to a foreign outcast eating poutine while the girl was texting her Chinese friends. Lillian tried to chat up with her but the only thing she could get was a slight nod.  
"Lillian Lecter, where did you learn to behave in such a manner." Jameson said frustrated. "Underage drinking, drunk driving, and let's talk about the worst thing you did, you strangled a boy to death."  
"Sir, he did of other complications." she felt offended.  
"I really don't care, you give our school a bad name." he rammed his fist on his desk, "God, they might think we teach violence here!."  
He stood up and spread his arms "Gestrell, school for the aspiring Chesapeake ripper', I can see it on the front pages already!"  
"Who?"  
"Are you dumb Lecter? Chesapeake ripper, constantly in the news for murdering people." his eyes narrowed, "And you'll end up like that if you don't behave, you'll end up in jail forever young lady, be grateful Argell didn't start a trial against you. "  
"Eugene tried to take advantage of me and assault me, it was the right thing to do." she said.  
"Oh, so cold, just like your dad." Jameson lost his way completely, "I will not allow this on my school, and I will talk with your father about it."  
"Go ahead, I'm just here to learn, not to be scolded on defending myself."  
"Defending is something else as strangling someone." he sat down and sighed, "Go to your class, now." his head was red and sweaty. Lillian stood up and hastily walked away. She missed math and had to walk into Biology. They were dissecting piglets. Sir Frölich greeted her and assigned her into an one man's group, suddenly the other groups were full. Lillian had one pig for herself and she did what Frölich told the class to do. Take out the liver, draw the heart, look at the lungs. Jameson interrupted the class for a minute to tell that the Argall's appreciated the flowers and cards the class send the family. The day got by, Lillian felt alone at school, she wanted to be home as soon as possible. Now she had to call a cab instead of hopping on Krystall's scooter. The ride home felt long and boring and she desperately needed socialisation outside of Hannibal's talking.


	6. The mind of a killer

_They used to tell me I was ignorant, that there was something wrong with me. They still do, now I live here. But the thing is, I do not feel stupid, or ignorant, maybe even crazy. Almost everyone has felt the way I feel at the moment. Millions of people have thought about it, but never did. Afraid it didn't feel as good as in their fantasies. Scared to get hurt, or hurt others. But I felt a rush calming down inside of me as I held the knife. He told me it was normal to want what I wanted. That he had done what I was doing so many times. He is a psychiatrist, he knows it's normal, so am I. All my life I have never felt such power. People always ruled over me, screamed the worst things at me, been the worst they could be to me. The things I wanted to do to them were unacceptable, but now I am accepted. Now my actions and thoughts are spoken about. He told me I did what was necessary, the newspapers did not, they told me I was horrible. But I don't care, the person that lies close to me loves me the way I am, we are one of the same. The same blood, same thoughts, same actions. Father and daughter in crime. The chesapeake ripper wasn't one lone wolf anymore. The chesapeake ripper was two.  
_ Jameson was the first victim of the rippers. Still only known as one person. Lillian remembered his words "Gestrell, school for the aspiring Chesapeake ripper', I can see it on the front pages already."  
He should be sitting in heaven smiling, his name was said in one breath with the chesapeake ripper. His face was carefully wrapped around the clock in his room. His spine was used in the Biology room, almost unrecognizable as the plastic spine taken from the fake skeleton was. They took the rest of him to their home. Hannibal told her he would cut the body into pieces and decide what he would do with it later. Lillian was not allowed to go into the cellar where he hid Jameston. He told her she wasn't ready to replace him in that part. She didn't know what he meant.

She felt what artists felt, she wanted her work to be recognized, admired, criticized. She wanted to know what others thought of it. Jenna was shocked, Lillian called her only after two minutes the school had e-mailed of Jameson's passing and Jenna had not red the mail yet. She started crying hysterically and telling that Jameson used to be so nice to her, and how she missed him already. Lillian was silent the time Jenna spoke, and agreed with everything she said. Lillian was not suspicious.  
The papers that day were full of the news, the chesapeake ripper made another victim, police was clueless. Bedelia came around that day to bring the news to Hannibal and Lillian. How she felt sorry for him and what a good headmaster he used to be. She used to be his psychiatrist and had tears in her eyes. Lillian just sat listening to her, trying to conceal her lack of empathy. Hannibal did it better, he was like an actor in his favorite role. Passionate and emotional.

Bedelia felt more at ease with Hannibal than his daughter, Lillian. She tried to hard to be an ordinary girl. Bedelia honestly believed Lillian was nothing out of the ordinary but she felt the same unease as with her dad. Lack of real depth.  
Hannibal had a layer of fog over him that was impossible for Bedelia to see through, but at least he showed emotion. But his emotions did not feel real, like he was creating his own story for himself. He took pieces of reality, out of his own memories and added different moods to them, he told her he was sad while he felt proud. She could not put her finger on him. Lillian on the other hand, was fog herself. Bedelia could not know what she was thinking of, what she felt. Lillian had her own world in her head, where she was a hero of her own story. The world in her head did not have a border to reality. If she thought she was good, she truly believed she was good.  
Bedelia saw Hannibal had influence on her to, but nobody else could get a hold on her. She expected Hannibal to be a good influence on Lillian, at least she hoped he was.  
He told her about Lillian's backstory in one of their sessions. He told her that if he did not ask her to live here, she would be dead by now, and she did not realize how lucky she was.  
Bedelia was eager to get to know Lillian and see her true emotions, but she never showed them when she was around. Lillian just read books or wasn't there when Bedelia was at Hannibal's place. She didn't even know if Lillian ever listened when she and Hannibal were talking. Bedelia was especially curious at the relationship between Hannibal and Lillian her mother. It was something she and Hannibal had never spoken about. He was not a selfish person, but Bedelia couldn't think of any reason why he would like to have children,except only to have an heir so he wouldn't be forgotten. But there was an deeper connection between Hannibal and Lillian she could not understand. Maybe because she did not have children of herself, or because Hannibal and Lillian were one of a kind.

School was cancelled for a month now. Lillian had enough of learning to draw, practising piano or hiding and listening to Hannibal's psychiatric sessions with sir Froideveaux. Now she got why Hannibal found him so annoying, he only talked about wanting to have friends and desperately wanted Hannibal to be his friend. He also had other clients, but they were less interesting. Only one really stood out as a twat. A client Hannibal had for years, Gerald Hunne. A man old as stone, at the point of dying but still had the power to tell Lillian that she was a pretty girl and they should have dated in the fifties. And that she would look good in a shorter dress. That was kind of the highlight of her week. Nothing happened around the house, it was such a dull month. She used to have a pet cat in London, Winter was it's name. When she was bored she played with Winter. But there weren't pets to play with over here, no people she could invite. She applied to horse riding lessons out of sheer boredness and waited for response from the riding school. Hannibal was happy with her searching for something to do. Lillian couldn't sit at home forever waiting for a new headmaster. The school was a mess at the moment, she heard. There would be a new headmaster in a few weeks and school could get started again.  
Lillian hoped everyone was still in shock en forgot about her and Eugene, that she would have a few friends again.


End file.
